Sunday, June 19, 2011
For When You Become a Father
There's a way you look at my where I see all the trouble you're going to get into for the entirety of your life. You know that I can see it, but you don't try to hide it. While I want your sister to grow and have a fabulous life, I want you to stay small forever. I always want you to be my little innocent boy and not get into that trouble I can sometimes see on your face.
There are times when you act just like me, and not always in ways that make me proud. Sometimes it makes me feel small and petty when you act like me and I yell at you about it. You learn from watching me. If I don't behave and act nicely, how can I expect you to know any different?
I often hope that you don't go through the troubles that I went through growing up, that somehow you're able to escape puberty and emerge into adulthood without facing any hardship. I don't want you to be picked on like I was; I don't want you to hate yourself like I did. I hope I can help, I hope you always know that I love you and think the world of you.
It's not fair, my expectations for you. I want you to behave, I want you to have fun, I want you to grow up, and I want you to stay little forever
So instead, we need to focus on what I can do for you. I need to be patient with you, let you be your own person and not expect you to do things you can't. I can't expect you to be your sister.
I need to let you have fun but at the same time be strict with you. You can't just do whatever you want.
I know I can't protect you forever. I know that you need to live your own life. I know that I need to teach you what I can about making good decisions and being a good person.
And whenever you need me, I'll be there for you.